The level of questioning I was under, coming at such young age. People asking me, “What do you think of this? Who are you, who are you, who are you?” I felt so inadequate because I just didn’t have answers yet. I had so many friends who had a clear sense of self. Who knew that they liked certain things, like the smell of grass, or what their favorite color was. I envied those girls because I was so unsure of myself. I questioned everything. I was terrified by the level of interest in me. I spent most of my time trying to convince everyone I was incredibly boring because I needed privacy and a minute to figure myself out.


Defiance Appreciation Week Day 7 – The relationship development that I most wanted to see continue into season 4: Berlin and Irisa

Berlin and Irisa have an often rocky relationship that that starts with Berlin showing more than a little interest in Nolan’s “Hot Chewbacca” and ends with them as the lawkeepers of Defiance. The middle is rough, but it makes for a complex relationship that had a lot more potential to continue growing, and I’m sad we won’t get to see developed more after it started to take an increasingly positive turn. 

Nolan and Amanda run Defiance knowing who they are and what they believe. They’ve grown both as people and in their relationship over the course of the series, so when season 3 ended, the credits could have rolled on their arcs and the show would feel complete for them (had Nolan not been lost in space, and I’ll forever hold a grudge for that one).

But their proteges are just getting started figuring out who they are and what they believe. Irisa was raised with Nolan’s ideology while Berlin is a firm believer in the E-Rep, but on their own, who are they? What do they want? How would they fight for justice? How would they work together with their differences – for both good and bad? Where would their relationship go next?